I find myself being more defiant and righteous these days than ever before. Today I was in a well-known high street book store looking in the section on religion for a book a friend had recommended to me. On the top shelf stood a book with the title 'God is NOT great', and I immediately felt a surge of anger and indignation, similar to how I feel when protecting a friend from slander or injustice of some kind. And that's exactly how it is, thinking about it now - my God, my friend, being rebuked and slandered (if it's not a word, I'm making it one) made me see red. My exact thought was 'Isn't there enough negativity in the world?! Don't we have enough to battle without this anti-religion diatribe?!' I considered buying the book and tearing it up, or having a mini bonfire with it, but I have firm beliefs on the sanctity of the written word, so I did something very childish. I took down the book, browsed the back page and put it back on the shelf with the spine the wrong way so the title could not be read. Silly I know, and not doing any good in the long run, but my small anarchic act made me feel better for five minutes anyhow.
On my return from SA recently I was having a conversation with a friend about the Grabouw settlements and what it was like to walk through them and meet the people who live there. I described how local witch doctors record curses on cassette tape and then place the tape around certain houses or through the settlements to put these curses on others. We were asked to destroy this tape in God's name where we found it, if we felt comfortable to do so. I kept an eagle eye out and felt righteous anger each time I destroyed the tape I found, even more so when T suddenly got a terrible headache, which I have no doubt was spiritually brought on.
My friend asked me what right we had to destroy the tape, and interupt with our religious beliefs the beliefs and customs of others. At the time I think I made good arguments, although I didnt manage to convince my friend that we had done the right thing (though I doubt that would ever be possible, but that's another story). I wish I had found the right words to explain, and it has bothered me since then. I should've said: Why shouldn't we defend ourselves against people trying to hurt us? If I or someone I was trying to help was attacked with a physical weapon, people would think I was crazy if I didnt try to defend myself.
I have realised my friend could not take this view automatically, as to him the curses are not real, he does not believe in God or any other spiritual beings, and so sees these matters from a detached perspective, where I was damaging someone elses property, not protecting myself from harm against evil thoughts and energies.
Nevertheless I rejoice in each tiny positive step in my Father's name, (even if really it was only to make me feel better). I am not a natural evangelist but I am open and honest about my faith, and welcome discussions and questions from my friends. I honestly don't know how others survive without the comfort and strength that I find in my relationship with God. In the past I have found it hard to understand how we are supposed to love God above all others, when I have so much love for those around me, until recently when I really opened up to my faith and realised I am now willing to follow God's plan for me, even if it means disappointing those I care for, or drawing away from them. My sister put it beautifully when she said "When you lose loved ones, you grieve but you find a way, you find the strength to carry on. If you lost God, you would be absolutely lost, and life would lose all meaning".
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